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Post by amiphist on Apr 11, 2004 16:03:55 GMT -5
my problem is i'm in a group of five friends, but one of my friends wants to be friends and walk to school with some one else now, i'm fine with that, but the other three, aren't talking to us now, because they think we're abondoning them, but were not, we just want to walk with this other girl and they wont walk with her so we have to walk seperately. what should i do? i want to be friends with all of them
age 12
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Post by elysium on Apr 11, 2004 17:55:01 GMT -5
I had this problem before. I liked this really nice disfigured guy (as a friend) and no one else liked him, so I decided, screw them, if they're that shallow I don't want to be friends with them anyway. Your friends should be supportive of you, not abandon you just because you like someone they don't. You should be friends with whomever is supportive of you and doesn't turn their back on you for being nice to someone else. Let your friends decide. Tell them straight up that they're acting like little kids and if they don't still like you just because you have other friends, they can go their own way. Let them decide if they're still going to act childish.
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Post by amiphist on Apr 17, 2004 14:53:22 GMT -5
i did what you said, now they hate me
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Post by elysium on Apr 17, 2004 16:27:14 GMT -5
My first failure. But really Ami, that happens. Do you really want friends who only like you when you are rude to other people?
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Post by PuppyDawg on May 12, 2004 17:18:20 GMT -5
Okay, this has been buggin me.
My friend is being a very crappy friend right now. She always ignores me and FLIRTS CONSTANTLY! Boy, it drives me nuts. We worked on this HUGE project together and I did all the work, but she got to put her name on it. Then, the worst of all. There's this boy I like, right? she KNOWS I like him and now SHE'S GOING OUT WITH HIM!!!! Its just, we've been best friends for 8 years. What should I do?
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Post by elysium on May 12, 2004 20:06:44 GMT -5
Wow. She really is a crappy friend.
There are a few ways to address this. I guess you could just stop associating with her, but the best thing to do is usually to talk it over. Get your friend alone, and ask her, straight out, why she wanted to hurt you by dating a guy she knew you liked. Friends just don't do that; then again, it's possible she's liked him just as long, but didn't want to admit it. Still, she should have checked to see if it was okay with you. I think in most cases the best thing you can do is grin and bare it, let them be happy; but I don't think that's going to happen, since you said she flirts constantly. So, she's a bad friend as well as a bad girlfriend. To put it bluntly, some people just royally suck at relationships, so don't let her have your time if she's not going to be considerate of you. You deserve a better friend than one that ignores you. Give her a taste of her own medicince. And remember in the future not to partner up with her for a project.
Don't sweat it about the boy; if she's that bad at relationships, it'll only be a matter of time before she's out of his life. So just wait until then. Maybe once she realizes she should have treated you better she'll apologize. Either way, just don't let it get to you. People like her are not worth your time.
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Post by PuppyDawg on May 28, 2004 16:00:23 GMT -5
Well, turns out I can't stay mad at her. Even though her new hobby is giving me the cold shoulder and she's really crappy to her x-boyfriend.
Oh well.
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Post by elysium on May 29, 2004 3:21:14 GMT -5
That means you're forgiving, which is a good thing! Even though you shouldn't let people walk all over you or treat you like crap, sometimes being able to forgive them is much better.
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Post by PuppyDawg on May 29, 2004 9:10:29 GMT -5
Yeah... everyone says I am too trusting and forgive and generous. But its like <sigh> that who I am and I'm comfortable w/ that, you know? I'm just gonna have to work for things harder.
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Post by PetitePirate on May 29, 2004 12:21:13 GMT -5
okay, i need some advice:
i get in so much trouble for this- i flirt constantly. i can't help it. i love boys. i love being around them. but i'm horrible at commitment. i realize this, and thus i've never had a boyfriend because i KNOW i'm not ready for that commitnment. but i've broken three hearts now because guys think i like them exclusivly and really i'm just being myself...and i don't want to go out with them, so they get really upset. i don't want to change and stop flirting, because i'm really happy the way i am. what should i do?
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Post by elysium on May 30, 2004 6:02:12 GMT -5
You're asking ME?? Crap, this is the blind leading the blind here....I do that too.
But, I realized the only thing it gets me is unwanted attention. Guys are strange; either you have to practically spell it out for them when you really like them, or you don't like them and they think you do. But really, we need to learn not to confuse them the way we do. We flirt because it's fun, and to be honest we like the attention; guys flirt because they want to see if a girl likes them, or to figure out if they like a girl. When we flirt with them, they think "Oh, she likes me" and then don't understand why we get annoyed if they pursue us. They think we're playing "hard to get", and keep pursuing, or they think we're just fickle women who like to evilly mess with their emotions. But really, it's not cool to flirt with every guy you meet, because in their eyes that's as bad as them leading us on. You don't like it when guys lead you on and then ignore you, and likewise they feel hurt if we do the same thing. It's okay to flirt sometimes, it's all a part of dating, but when you flirt all the time, one thing I've noticed is that other girls really really don't like it. They'll think you're...promiscuous. And really, it's not fair to the guy to tease him that way if you really don't like him. Be especially careful with older guys; they're more mature than you, and ready to do different things, and if you play with them like that, it's partially (a very very small part, but still partially) your fault if he doesn't believe you when you tell him no. So take care of yourself.
About commitment: you're only thirteen years old. I know you rolled your eyes when you read that, but really, thirteen is far too young to be "commiting" to anything. Guys really shouldn't be expecting you to get into a relationship so soon. I know, I'm a hypocrite, I had a boyfriend when I was 13, but looking back, I realize it was kind of pointless, since we couldn't seriously date anyways.
The hardest thing about your problem is, you said: "i don't want to change and stop flirting, because i'm really happy the way i am. what should i do?"
If that's the way you really feel, then there's nothing I can say to help you. You need to decide what's more important to you: Having fun, and flirting, or the way your guy friends feel when you lead them on. If you're not really ready to date, don't hurt others who are by making them think that you seriously like them.
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Post by PetitePirate on May 30, 2004 6:08:32 GMT -5
meh...now i feel great....
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Post by elysium on May 30, 2004 6:30:15 GMT -5
Was that sarcasm? If there's still a problem, tell me!
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Post by PetitePirate on May 30, 2004 10:54:09 GMT -5
it was good advice, i guess. not a great self esteem booster, however.
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Post by elysium on May 30, 2004 13:43:39 GMT -5
Em, it's the truth. It's not supposed to boost your self-esteem. However, I do do counseling! Wanna have a go on Dr. Elys' couch?
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