Progressive: How Harry Got His Groove Back

[eliana]

Right before Ms. Umbridge got to the wall, she stops and begins to wonder out loud. "Maybe I shouldn't be a fat b*tch anymore, maybe i should embrace my old crone-hood and becomes a detestable quiet hermit instead of a loud obnoxious woman with a Napoleon complex..." Just as she was going to vow to be a nice old woman instead of a mean witch, Ron gets tired of her blabbing and trips her over the invisible wall.

[musicchc43]

Hermione: RON!! she just vowed to stop being a heartless B*tch!
Ron: uhh ... Duh hermione! Her personality has nothing to do with it! We want her gold remember?
Hermione: *looks a bit sheepish* err...yeah ..of course!
*meanwhile the tub swallows Umbridge*
Voldemort: OH NO!
Harry: What now? Broke a nail? *laughs at his own "joke"*
Voldemort: *points wand at Harry* Crucio No I forgot to put the detection thingus in that piece of gum!
*Harry is spazing out on the ground and and letting out bloodcurdling screams*
Hermione: Shut up Harry I can barely hear myself think!
*thinks for a moment even though Harry is still yelling* Okay I've got it someone gets into the tree with this piece of gum *takes a chewed wad of gum out of her mouth*
Voldemort: ya know it's not to polite to talk with gum in your mouth
Hermione: Shut up!
Ron: *mutters* PMS....
*Voldy takes Crucio curse of Harry because he's getting a headache from Harry screaming like a girl*
Hermione: Okay so someone gets into the tree above the maze with this piece of gum and we'll have the detector in it and then they'll summon a broom and swoop down on Umbridge and stick this in her hair
Harry: Well how are we getting up the tree?
Hermione: ARGH!!!!!! ok ok we'll summon the broom and swoop on Umbridge while she's in the maze and stick this in her hair!
Ron: ERrr...you said "We" Hermione! I don't think more than one person can sit on a broom and "swoop" without one falling off ...
Hermione: Oh shut up all of you ! I'll do it myself if your brains are too mundane to comprehend this!
*Umbridge falls out of squirrel hole*
*Hermione summons a broom*
Harry: umm.. hermione when did you last try flying?
Hermione: *yells* DOES IT MATTER?
Harry: *mutters to Ron* yep it's definitely PMS....

[redvolleyball03]

Percy: Ron, you need to learn to be more respectful to girls during that time of the month!

Ron: And why do you care?

Percy: I happen to know - I mean, uh, I happen to know that, uh, girls don't like to be disrespected. You know, because I have a girlfriend. Yeah. Not that I would know personally, or anything...

Percy's voice trails off. Ron eyes him suspiciously.

Hermione, meanwhile, has already made several consecutive attempts to fly on her broom, but each time she gets two feet off the ground, she falls off.

Harry: Come on, Hermione, let ME do it! Umbridge is probably halfway through the maze by now!!

Harry grabs the broom, but Hermione won't let go of it.

Hermione: Harry, why can't you ever let anyone else be the hero for once!!

Ron: Hermione, you can't be the heroine if you can't even fly! Now give Harry the broom, and we'll go get you some potion to help with that PMS of yours.

Hermione, Ginny, and Percy glared at him.

Hermione: Never!!

She gave an almighty tug at the broom and it broke in half.

Ron: Now look what you've done! What are we gonna do now?!

Ginny: We'll just have to try and intercept Umbridge at the end of the maze on foot.

They all set off to the end of the maze at a run. However, when they got there, they found Umbridge stuck in a bear trap, being tortured by Voldemort.

Voldemort: (holding his wand to Umbridge's neck) Tell me where it is! Where's the pot of gold?!

[musicchc43]

Ron: *shrugs* Well I guess that works too!
Hermione: TOM! Stop it! She'll never tell us where the gold is!
Umbridge: well to be honest it's just inside that squirrel whole in that tree over there *points to tree* oh and if you wanted to know how to keep it from vanishing just point at the gold with your wand and say a dingo ate my baby!
Harry: err... why exactly are you telling us this?
Ron: Yea you didn't tell us anything before!
Umbridge: That's not true! I told you and I quote "You'll never get me lucky charms" and gold is hardly lucky! It makes a whole bunch of crazy people come after you! But my lucky charms their pretty lucky! AND YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM!!!!!!!! I don't care if you take my gold though...it's easy to find.
Ron: Sorry to burst your bubble but lucky charms of Leprachauns have been made available to Muggles.
Umbridge: What?
Harry: Yea some little green lepracuan chap with a clover in his hat sold you out!
Voldemort: ya know the one that goes around singing "Hearts, stars, and Horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons, pots of gold, and rainbows, and the red balloons!"
Umbridge: that b*stard Bobby McFickit! I'll skin him alive! He told the muggles of the most magical luck in the world! RED BALLOONS!! AHH THE AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[~*~SONYA~*~]

suddenly a huge tsunamis comes behind them!!

btw does anyone know how to get to this fic on fanfiction.com???

[HikariHeart]

Sonya, we're working on it.

ANNOUCEMENT: Please post in the "blah, blah, blah," said Harry format from now on. While I cannot delete any posts that are in the Harry: blah blah *blah blah* format [mostly because it isn't a rule], it would be very nice of you people to use the "blah blah blah" said Harry format so elysium doesn't have to edit tons of more posts.

Also, please PM elysium if you would like to help with the editing.

Thank you. [/u][/i][/size]

[musicchc43]

I'm sorry that text wasn't big enough for me to read... ;D
lol JK Hikari we'll do that from now on

[redvolleyball03]

Ahhh...where were we?

"Quick!" said Harry. "Grab the gold and let's get outta here!"

Ron snatched the gold and they all split (except for Umbridge-the-leprechaun, who was still wailing in misery about her "red balloons").

Suddenly they were all on Antarctica.

"THAT'S IT!" screamed Ginny. "I'M GETTING FED UP WITH ALL THIS TIME/SPACE JUMPING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON AROUND HERE! I DEMAND --"

"Whoa, there Ginny!" said Voldemort. "Calm down. I just saved all of our asses from that huge tsunami. A simple Group Apparation Charm. You should be thanking me, not yelling at me!"

Ginny went pink. "Oh," she said. "I-I didn't realize --"

Ron whispered something to Harry and Hermione. Hermione hit him. Hard.

[~*~SONYA~*~]

"owwwww"ron groaned as he nursed his head "whats that for??" then he goes off mumbling and groaning.
Hermione looking innocent stares "what did i do?"

btw, do u guys remember how this story was when it was still in our world..with chucky cheese and all....its come so far (teary eyed with happiness:D)...good times..

[redvolleyball03]

"You know exactly what I did that for," Hermione hissed at Ron.

"It's alright, Hermione," Ginny interrupted their argument. "You don't have to keep sticking up for me, you know. I can do it myself."

Hermione blushed and tried to change the subject, "So... what are we all doing on Antarctica?"

Voldemort cleared his throat importantly and took out a sheet of paper. "Well," he said, "I've noticed that there are only a few more items on JKR's to do list before it gets burned off. So, I've decided to take a break from finding items on the list, and instead, try to find the list itself."

"And what does that have to do with Antarctica?" said Percy, drawing his jacket tightly around him.

"JKR's list was burned off," Voldemort repeated. "As in fire. So I thought to myself, 'What is the opposite of fire?' And of course the answer is ice! What better way to find a burned off list than to look in a place covered with ice!"

"That," said Hermione, "is the most skewed logic I have ever heard in my life."

There was a sudden gust of wind and small piece of paper fluttered past Hermione's head into Voldemort's hand. It was the rest of JKR's to do list.

Voldemort chuckled at the look of awe on Hermione's face. "My dear," he said, "I am a wizard, and magic and logic are two very different things."

Hermione snatched the paper out of Voldemort's hand and compared it to the rest of JKR's list. The scorches and handwriting fit perfectly on both pieces of paper. It was, indeed, the real thing. Hermione read the last four items out loud:

11) My biggest fan
12) A large mug of hot chocolate
13) Nemo
14) Harry's groove

PS -- When you have all the items on my list, please bring them to me. I will be waiting for them at Hogwarts.

Signed,
J. K. Rowling